just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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