He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What drink are we having for lunch?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
