tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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