At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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