Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
