So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Randomize
