Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
