she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
