my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
