so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
