Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
