are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
