This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
