he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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