Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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