You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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