My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
