she was so not down for the gang bang
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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