Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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