I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
