3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
