You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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