break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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