No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I look better un-naked...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
