This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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