Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
