i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
