So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
it's not cheating when I paid for it
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
