we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
