I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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