Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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