I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
