She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
