Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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