But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
