I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
