just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
pray to the hookup gods
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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