Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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