My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
