At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
