Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Randomize
