hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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