The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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