i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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