i would punch a child for taco bell
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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