Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
