I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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