1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
