Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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