About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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