so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Non-Jews are for practice
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
