If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
