It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
