Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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