girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
