oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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