Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
