he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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