So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
