Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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